Basically this is what the giant turn-on in sex is all about: SEXUAL SURRENDER.
And one of the most important things I’ve learned is that even though most women are ready, willing, and able to respond to the man they love, to surrender sexually to him, there are some women who won’t allow an orgasm to happen. I started to become aware of this from quite a few husbands who wrote me or told me that their wives either won’t let them try the technique, or if they get as far as actually trying it, the women make them stop.
At first this puzzled me, but then in 1991 I received the fourteen-page handwritten letter I mentioned earlier from a married man who tells about his wife of eighteen years who’d had practically no sexual pleasure in all those eighteen years.
He was sure she was frigid, but after he tried the technique, he found out how “hot” she really was. But he had to make her have an orgasm.
She fought him all the way and actually got angry, but he didn’t allow her to make him stop, he just continued with the technique (he says he sensed he was finally on the right track) as she got angrier and angrier, till she finally erupted with sexual ecstasy beyond anything he’d ever imagined could happen. He says it changed his marriage and it changed his life.
It really got me thinking as I reread the letter over and over again. An orgasm is sexual surrender, and women who control their husbands are afraid of giving up that control, and are therefore unable and unwilling to surrender sexually.
Now, many women are so afraid of losing control that they keep their husbands as little boys. But this makes the wives unable to have an orgasm, because again, an orgasm is sexual surrender, and you don’t surrender to a child, you surrender to someone you look up to and admire, and love.
And of course, some men like to be treated as little boys because this relieves them of any husbandly responsibilities.
And very importantly, if you, her husband, are not a sweet and loving person who lets her know and feel that you really love her, that’s another reason for her to be afraid to surrender sexually
(Note to wives: Once you start focusing—really focusing—on his penis, the love tide will turn!) It’s much easier for a woman to surrender to her husband when she feels loved and cherished.
The need for control is based on fear, the fear that if they give up the control, they will lose their husbands, but the way to hold a man is through exciting sex (I didn’t say love and I didn’t say sex, I said exciting sex), and never through control.
All a man has to do to get around his wife’s control is to lie to her and sneak around to do whatever he wants. Through exciting sex he’s there because he wants to be.
And where could that fear that so many women have come from? Maybe their mommies or poppies scared them about a lot of things, including sex (fear usually doesn’t come in single packages), or maybe they had terrible relationships with previous males who treated them badly emotionally and/or left them.
There are lots of reasons why people are afraid to trust, but unless you trust, you can’t surrender. This is why one-night stands are so fruitless and in fact so destructive.
You can’t surrender to a stranger who not only is not in love with you, he/she may hurt you, might be a violent person physically or a cruel person emotionally. Either way, it causes pain and further lack of trust.
Also, if a woman is angry at her spouse (either a low-grade constant or a flare-up intermittent), she’ll tense up and you could try for an hour and she won’t respond (she won’t surrender). But when you either make up or find out the reason for the underlying anger and actively work on replacing it with respect, trust, and love, that love will start flowing again and so will her juices.
And if your wife is “cold” and unresponsive, logic tells you that sex is obviously not pleasure-full to her, because if it were, she’d be as “hot” as you are. So it’s up to you to learn how to drive her crazy with desire.
Now a very important part of feeling loved is feeling your man will not cheat on you, feeling he loves you as much as you love him, that he will always be faithful ….